Weeping Vanity: The life of Narcissa Black
by Coraline Dusk
Summary: I wanted to write about Narcissa's childhood. It covers her relationship with her family, her feeling about Lucius and Severus, and her love affair with the Dark Arts.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: No sueing must take place, because I pwn joo. That and I have no money, and other crap. JKR is lord. Notes: Okay, I've got the ages of quite a few characters wrong in this story - mainly it is intentionally, because I wanted my plot to work. So deal. Also, big thankyou's to Beta reader of mine, who is a rockin' cool person. Go kiss her feeeeeeet. This story may be re-written as a NC-17 at some point, and re-posted on my website (which is as of yet, non-existant, but it will be born soon), but for now it's an R. The plot is going to be the same - I just want to put more description into certain scenes, which I can't do on Anyway, read on and enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER ONE  
  
My Father died when I was 10. Mother said it was stress, and a hereditary weak heart. Ultimately, Bellatrix and I knew it was something far more sinister - but didn't like to pry.  
  
Mother resented Father for dying, this was made obvious by her screaming rages at Bellatrix, who had my Fathers sleepy dark eyes, handsome square jaw, and sleek black tresses. She would flash her long, ruby red talons at my sisters face, grab clumps of her hair and pull back her head, screaming vile insults into her ear. "Stupid! Ugly! Pathetic! You'll never amount to anything! You'll just bring shame to this family!". Bella was 13, and tall for her age - but our Mother was a fierce woman, and we had always been taught never to do anything to disrespect our parents, or the most noble house of Black, so Bellatrix didn't shout back, or slap out, she just winced and took the abuse from our Mother.  
  
Mother treated me, in some ways, worse than Bella. I looked too much like my Mother for her to like me. She looked at my white blonde ringlets and pale, angular face and saw herself, younger and more beautiful. Now she had put on weight, and her hair frizzed violently. She disliked herself. She looked in a mirror and saw a once elegant, rich woman gone to seed. She saw a woman with no husband, who left vicious bleeding rips across her daughters face, And so I was scorned, hissing insults were shot at me every moment I was in the same room as her - which was not often. She "forgot" to have the houselves lay my place at dinner - or even cook enough food for me. I was a wimp, spoiled, childish, stupid, scrawny...whatever my Mother found appropriate to spit at me.  
  
Andromeda was Mothers favorite. She was 7, with perfectly straight, golden hair, that Mother liked to plait. Her cheeks were rosy, and she laughed in bright, giggling peals. She was chubby for our family, and looked like a doll in the frothy, pastel dresses Mother bought for her. She looked nothing like our Father, and we suspected that Andromeda was perhaps, not our full sister.  
  
Our Mother's favoritism lead Bella and I to hating Andromeda. We treated her much like our Mother treated us - Bellatrix would slap and pinch at her, or tug at her silky gold hair, willing the little salty globs of dew to tumble down her yeasty cheeks. And I would laugh - cold and uncaring. Flinging bitter jibes at her, about how fat she was, and how she didn't fit in with us properly. This was true enough, of course. Andromeda was sweet, innocent and without spite. She was also a little bit dim - and none of these things could be said to be Black family traits.  
  
I hated Bella being at school.It meant I was alone with my Mother's icey stares and cutting insults. I would sit alone in the big, draughty room that I shared with Bella and glare at the wall, imagining the day when I too would be able to go to Hogwarts, where I expected I would be fed properly, and never lonely. I also believed that if I did well in school I would impress Mother and she would love me again, like she did when Father was alive. The coming of my 11th birthday was something I clung to, with all the goodness and hope that was left in me. I had to go to school.  
  
On the day of getting my letter, my Mother was furious. She had convinced herself that I was a squib - she didn't believe I should be allowed to go to Hogwarts. However, Andromeda pleaded, and my Mother gave way to what she believed was my sister looking out for my best intrests. She loved Andromeda - and treated her like any doting Mother would treat their child. I believe my little sister saw my leaving as her torture ending for a little bit every year - both me and Bella would be gone, so she could sit with Mother and be spoiled rotten, without us bullying her afterwards.  
  
So Bellatrix went shopping with me. We bought robes and books and cauldrons - everything I needed to go to school properly. Bella met up with some of her friends from school and introduced them to me. They were cruel looking girls and boys, most of them burly and somewhat silent. My sister, as it turned out, was a legend amongst the Slythrin pupils who wanted to learn something a little outside of the curriculum. She was a dark arts whizz, and my Mother probably would have been extremely proud, if it wasn't for her growing madness and hatred of her two elder daughters.  
  
My wand was gorgeous, long white wood, supple and perfect in my dainty fingers. It was filled with a unicorn tail hair, and shot out beautiful silver sparks whenever I flicked it. Mr Ollivander had looked suspicious when he handed over the gleaming, ash wand. He had whispered something under his breath, about how it was a wand perfect for the dark art...like my sister's. But I don't think I realised this at the time - my mind was concentrated on trying to remember what Bella had said about setting fire to the hems of muggle womens dresses.  
  
**END OF CHAPTER ONE**  



	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimery..thing: I no own. No sue. This chapter is longer than the last one. I don't know if I'm 100 percent happy with it - but meh. It'll do. No beta-tester for this one, so it might have few msitakes - I apologise in advance, Now get readin'!!  
  
CHAPTER 2

As we lived in London, Bella and I were expected to go out and do things for ourselves within the city, such as shopping trips for school. Going to catch the Hogwarts Express was to be no different. We took little luggage, a small trunk each. My hair was immaculate. Bella had combed a sweet smelling potion through is, making my ringlets gleam even more than usual, before sweeping them back off my face into a neat pair of ponytails. We scrubbed furiously at our faces and pinched each others cheeks to make them glow. I looked at myself in our mirror, standing next to my tall, voluptuous 14 year old sister. I was scrawny and underfed. I had not blossomed such perfect curves as Bella, and my lips did not fall into such a glorious pout. The breasts which swelled underneath her robes were delicious to my eyes, and I was green eyed with envy at the rounded hips, which swayed hypnotically as she walked.  
  
I licked my lips and watched as wizarding families tried to mingle in with muggles. They were failing horribly. Bellatrix and I looked like charming little muggle girls, with our perfectly ironed, starch white blouses, knee length denim skirts and shiny black mary janes. Our worn leather trunks gave no hint to the contents, which could give us the power to render any of the muggles in the station utterly useless. Bellatrix had already begun to show me nasty little dark arts spells. We had sat up late together at home, pouring over the extra books we bought from a stinking little bookshop in Knockturn Alley - learning how to make venomous ant colonies spring from the tips of our wands, or how to restrict someone from breathing with a masterful flick of the wrist. Our houselves became much unhappier on the nights we wished to practice our horrific little incantations.  
  
The train was crowded, but my sister whisked me down to the very back of the train, where there was a compartment with a squeaky door which was completely empty. I thumped out a rhythm on the wood of the seat with my heels and began to devour the pages of my "Standard Book Of Spells, Grade 1". The only books I had been reading at home were Bellas "special" ones, because their musty pages promised a a dark, powerful secret to share with my beloved sister. Compared to them the school books pages seemed so clean and bright.

"Cissa"

My sisters rich, velvety voice snapped my head from the crispy white pages of my spells.

"You need to put your uniform on, Cissa dear. We'll be arriving soon"

"Okay...Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"What if I don't get put into Slythrin?"

"Cissa. Are you or are you not a Black?"

"I am" "What are we, Cissa? Us Blacks?"

"Toujours Pur"

"That's right. And that means, that along with all the Dark Arts practice we've been doing, you are guarenteed to be siting next to me in the great hall tonight, at the Sylthrin table. Understood?"

"Yes Bella..."

I had voiced my greatest fear to my sister. If I got put into any other house I would be scorned even worse by my Mother and I would most likely loose Bella. It was a silent fear I held bottled inside my ribcage - I couldn't loose Bella. She was the only person who had spoken to my properly for a year. She was my beautiful big sister, and I craved her approval even more than my Mothers.  
  
I stood naked, apart from my pants, in small toilet at the back of the train. I pulled grey and black garments from my trunk - which was holding the lockless door closed - and began to arrange them correctly over my body. I was all bones, and the clothing didn't cling to me properly. I felt ugly in them, and tears began to well underneath my papery thin eyelids. I ripped them off again one by one, and stood exposed in the toilet cubicle, silent tears streaking down my cheeks. I hadn't cried since my Fathers funeral - not even as I watched my Mother beat Bella black and blue. Not even as she hissed bitter abuse in my ear. I was crying because while I had felt so special in the station, in my best clothes - matching Bella exactly, my hair sleek and perfect. But this uniform didn't fit me, and I looked like I was wearing old hand-me-downs. I felt poor and disgusting. I slumped myself down into the corner of the cubicle, where my shoulders shook and more, large salty teardrops splattered my bare feet. I didn't notice when a boy shoved the door open violently, even past the weight of my trunk. A jolt ran through m body as he placed a firm hand on my bare shoulder blade, and spoke, with a liquid silk voice - posher even than my own, into my ear.

"Hunched naked, blubbing on the floor of a bathroom Isn't the best place for a young gentleman with my reputation to find a pretty young thing such as yourself, you know. I think it would be a good idea to get dressed...before my male instinct takes over my morality".

I was only 11, of course, and I had no idea what the youth (who must have been only 13, and hardly in the position to have a reputation for anything but being good at gobstones) was talking about, but I still blushed a furious shade of red, and snatched at my cloak to cover my naked, bony body. The boy smirked, and I stared at him, open mouthed. His eyes were a harsh, steely grey and his hair was a soft, transparent sheet of opalescent silver. His cheekbones were high, and his face was that of a corrupt angel - white and pure, but with no trace of innocence. His eyes were too cruel, the curl of his lip too mocking, for him to be anything but devilish. Yet I was infatuated, by his lean catlike body. The arrogance of his posture. The tilt of his head and the fold of his arms.

"Well - I was getting changed. You oughtn't barge in on one, ought you?"

My tone was huffy, and I disguised the crack of tears in my voice with a mock rage.

"Who are you anyway? To be talking to a Black like that?"

Using my name as a shield, like my family had always taught me, I sniffed haughtily and awaited a reply.

"Lucius Malfoy - you've probably heard of my Father. We've heard of yours"

This was said without malice, as the Malfoys would recognise the death of a Black as a loss of one of their own kin. Purebloods alike.

"I'll excuse you for the blubbing"

"And I'll excuse you for the intrusion - if you leave. Now"  
  
I stood, waiting for my name to be called for the sorting. "Abercrombie, Gerald" had already been, and made into a Hufflepuff, and next up was "Bartholemew, Denise" who after about 10 minutes became a Ravenclaw. The second that the words "Black, Narcissa" slipped from the womans mouth, my heart began to pound rapidly in my ears. The tattered hat settled around my curls and I jumped as I heard it's voice inside my ear.

"Another Black, eh? Hmm - theres the usual intelligence, of course. I always think your family would do so well in Ravenclaw. And the classic stubbornness - no change there. Nothing suprising."

I gulped. It had to be Slythrin. It had to.

"Ha ha ha. Thought so. Okay then - there you will go!"

I breathed a sigh of relief as the hat roared from it's ripped brim "SLYTHRIN!" I heard the applause from the green and silver table as I rushed to sit next to my sister, and her glowering friends. "Took it's time, didn't it" She said, cocking her eyebrow at me.

"Said I was clever - it was considering Ravenclaw"

I stuttered, nervously.

"Hat's getting stupid. A Black in any house other than Slythrin - I ask you!"

She laughed in her bizarre, croaking fashion - and I was too busy staring at the white haired boy at the end of the table to notice that another Black was being sorted, and not into our house. "Black, Sirius"  
  
The other children in my year where friendly enough. I liked them, and sat with them in classes without getting shunted away. There were unpopular children, who I had no desire to be. They respected me, for being a Black - and because of Bellatrix. But it was with my sister I spent my free time, learning secret dark spells wth her and her small, select group. Often it would just be me and her, pouring over the books from Knockturn alley - and the letters Mother was sending us. They were full of spite and hate, and contempt. She wrote about the ghosts that were haunting her, and how she suspected our Father's spirit of stranguling the houselves in the night. He wrote that she feared for "precious Andromedas saftey", and her own. "I have felt the fingers of death snaking around my throat. You should be here to potect me. Abandoning me - just like you Father! You are spoilt little bitches. You'll come home as soon as you can, you pathetic blood traitors". The words in the letters stung, but both of us still revered our Mothers word - and her being. We both suspected she was loosing her grip on reality, and were somewhat consernered that she would do damage to herself, or, with her scapegoats gone, she would turn her destructivness to our little sister. Although we did not like Andromeda, we had no desire for her to die. She was, after all, blood.  
  
Lessons at Hogwarts were simple. I exelled in most classes. Transfiguration, Potions and Charms were my best subjects. I also took to Defence Against The Dark arts, because of my sisters teachings of various hexes and curses. But I was never the very top of my class. That was a position taken by a lank, greasy haired boy that no-one liked, or bothered to talk to. I never paid any heed to him. In fact, no-one saw him vey often. According to my sister he came from a good family, though.

"Make an effort to talk to him, Cissa. Our family has connections to the Snapes - even though they are somewhat loose. Poorer than us, you'll understand. But pureblood to the core."

"But no-one likes him, Bella. He's so quiet...and his hair's a mess"

"Well not everyone can be blessed with a big mouth and a head of perfect curls, can they? You little dunderhead. We have to make proper ties with all the old Dark Arts families. For when the time of the purebloods comes again. You know that!"

"Yes Bella. I know."  
  
**END OF CHAPTER 2**


	3. Chapter Three

I don't own, don't sue. Blah blah blah. This chapter kind of sucks - But there is plot development. Theres also a big long RANT at the bottom of the page as to WHY this chapter sucks. Hee hee. Anyway, enjoy :P  
  
CHAPTER 3

During my time at school, I began to mature very quickly. Breasts began to swell underneath my robes, and although petite, I was glad to finally have fleshy globes, like Bella. My hips has begun to sway as I walked, too, and I sensed male gaze following me as I walked. My shell pink lips were full, and my hair was a gleaming mane of curls - it was no wonder I attracted the interest of boys. It was uncomfortable though, feeling the burn of eyes following me through the corridors. To one who has grown used to being ignored, being stared at is 10 times more uncomfortable than anything you can imagine. You feel vulnerable and exposed - and powerless to anything which may happen to you.  
  
Like meeting a cousin in the halls. Bella had told me our cousin Sirius was going around the school getting into mischief, with some of his blood- traitor and mud-blood friends. I had no classes with the Gryfindors, and so had never met up with him before. But on my way to meet with Bellatrix one night, I was caught out by a lone wolf - as it were.

"Why - if it isn't little Cissa! Sirius - remember? You know me from when we were about 6. Funny we haven't bumped into each other before - isn't it?"

I stared at the dark haired boy in front of me. He was handsome, and looked somewhat like Bellatrix - only with a more chiseled jaw, and finer hair. A lopsided grin danced across his lips and his dark eyes flicked across my robes before resting on the knot of my tie.

"Not really, Sirius. We're in different houses, aren't we? That's what I would say is strange."

I spat. I had no patience for people like him. People who didn't look after their own kind. Family was important, and Sirius was a betrayer to his kin.  
  
"Not all Blacks are cold, uncaring, Slythrin material, you know"

"You want to think where your loyalties With your blood, or elsewhere"

"Your parents have taught you well. Or are those dear old Bella's words?"

"My words are my own, Sirius."

There was a stony silence as we stared at one another. I saw my grim face reflected in his glittering, warm eyes. I glared, willing myself not to blink. The spell was only broken by a luxuriously smooth voice from behind me. A velvety drawl - which I recognised almost instantaneously.

"Bugger off to class, Black. Not that you deserve such a fine name on your mangy head."

Lucius chuckled to himself slightly, before stepping out of the shadowy corner he had been skulking in.

"Why, Malfoy? Going to have your way with my cousin?"

I felt heat rush to my cheeks, but Lucius just ran his white digits through his hair, and glowered at Sirius.

"Don't darken her reputation by admitting that she is related to you in any way, cur. Just leave us be - before I do something to you I won't regret."

"Like what, Malfoy? Set your darling Dad on me? Get over yourself. I was just going off, anyway"

Lucius snarled something after Sirius I couldn't quite catch under his breath, before turning his hypnotic gaze onto me.

"So, Narcissa...Isn't it a little late to be heading off into the library?"

"That's none of your business. Besides...you're out."

"I have important things to be getting on with. More important than you and your sisters little Dark Arts club"

"That's a secret! You shouldn't know about it..."

"You don't keep things from me, easily."

"You talk as though you're all powerful or something. You're only a year above me. What makes you so great?"

"Being a Malfoy."

I sensed no arrogance in what he said - only truth. Malfoys and Blacks were the cream of the wizarding world. "I'll see you around then...I suppose" I muttered, gazing upwards at his fine, royal features.

"Yes. I should say you will...Oh, just a word of caution, Narcissa. Your dear cousin knows about your little nightly gatherings too. I'd watch out for him. Or just make sure he understands not to fuck with you. Give my regards to your sister"

Lucius said, with a coy smirk, before disappearing just as silently as he had appeared into the shadowy corridors.  
  
My sister had a boyfriend He was stocky, with slicked back auburn hair and a mean glint in his hazel eyes. He wasn't what I would of called handsome, but Rodolphus Lestrange was one of the Dark Arts gathering, and therefore a fine example of a pureblood. While he necked with my sister, I buried my head into dusty volumes of spells which described horrific forms of torture, and efficient killing curses, thinking of the tall, mysterious Lucius Malfoy.  
  
I didn't want to go home. I enjoyed my time at Hogwarts immensely - of course we had already been home for Easter, Christmas and Half-Term. But Mother was getting more and more violent with Bella on every visit back home. She spent hours in the bathroom, weaving intricate charms to hide the deep gashes oh her shoulders and face, and to reduce the hard egg sized lumps on her forehead before going back to school. Mother's affection towards Andromeda was waning too, as she began to shunt her onto me when she demanded attention. I slapped at the backs of her knees with a stick I found in the garden and told her that Mummy didn't love her anymore.

"You're a fat, plain, stupid thing. It's no surprise to me that Mummy hates you now. Stop crying you filthy little goose."

Bella and I did homework together, between the beatings. Actually, Bella did less homework than pouring into her Dark Arts books , and rasping twisted hexes under her breath. I had stopped enjoying the time we spent with those book together - as the volumes she uncovered from underneath her mattress had become less secret and exciting, and more dangerous and murky. The dusty blue leather of her favourite was stained with grisly black spots - which I could only guess to be blood. She whispered ingredients for vile potions under her breath, committing the lists to memory.

"Bella?"

I whispered to her one night, at about 3 in the morning. I couldn't sleep because of the noise of the pages of her books brushing against each other.  
  
"What? I'm busy"

She shot at me. Her voice sour.

"Don't you think you ought to go to sleep? It's terribly late..."

"These books are read more easily at night. And if it's so fucking late, why aren't you asleep?"

"I...I can't"

"Well just lie quiet then, Cissa, can't you? I have to learn this!"

"Why? It isn't even for school, or anything."

"It's more important! I've explained this! This is for glory! For cleansing of the imperfect wizard kind! We are Blacks, Narcissa - if we don't do this, no-one will. We are Tujours Pur. And never you forget it"

"I'm sorry Bella."

And with that, I turned away from my sisters scowling eyes, and sobbed quietly into my pillow.  
  
**END OF CHAPTER 3**  
  
In the next chapter, Narcissa turns 13 (I know I didn't mention her 12th birthday, but it didn't seem important. I'm going to start making bigger time jumps so I can get to the good stuff, so I might just stop mentioning ages all together. Lol.) and her life begins to get even stranger. Also, we finally get to talk the delicious Severus Snape.  
  
RANT - WHICH YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO READ IF YOU DON'T WANT.

It's hard writing Narcissa quite as I want while she's young. I have to retain some of her child-like innocence and teenage confusion, while making her seem ruthless and cold. I also want to get across that she CAN be caring and weak though. I've always seen Lucius as the powerful one in their relationship - even though Narcissa gives him a run for his money. Trying to write the bizarre way things work out with the early stages of their relationship, along with Bella's Dark Arts obsession (which Narcissa is going to pick up soon, don't worry.) is a challenge. If I slip into OOC occasionally I'M SORRY. But I need someone to beta this for me, and harshly Hint Hint . I'm testing myself with this fic - and along with being something I want to write, it's a semi-experiment, to push my skills. I mean, you can only write so many one offs/songfics, Right?


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